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Monday, November 19, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Where's my Holiday Spirit? It's dead.
Christmas at my house growing up was always a big deal. We would, as a family, go get the tree (which always inspired a certain level of argument over the "best" tree), decorate it with ornaments from our past as we reminisced about each one. We'd stick the angel topper on and joke about hanging our cat, Tinsel, (who we got as a present from Santa) on the tree.
We'd shop for one another and wrap our gifts before placing them under the tree. Christmas music was playing constantly in the house or car and there was always an underlying sense of excitement and anticipation for the holiday to come.
On Christmas Eve, my mom and dad threw an annual get-together with lots of friends, food, carols and drinks. The whole day, we'd prepare the house for our guests. Afterward, my sisters and I would exchange gifts - a tradition instilled by our parents to keep us from driving them insane with our begging to open "just ONE gift, PLEASE?" Then we'd get all dressed up in our special Christmas dresses that our grandmother usually hand-made for us. In later years, they were store-bought, but the ones I remember were all the ones Grandma M. made.
Then came the luminaria. Each year, our church would sell these bags of sand and candles as a fundraiser. My parents always bought enough to line their driveway and walkway and my sister's and I's job was to light these and set them up before going to church.
Let me tell you - these things sucked to put out. You had to fill the bags with sand, set them up, light the candles and try to get them in the bags before the wind or rain or snow blew them out. Many years I remember returning from church to find one or more of the white paper bags burning merrily away. One year, a family friend wound up with a flaming wagon full of bags and sand as she tried to set them out. Even though I absolutely despised this task at the time, I look back on it - and the thrill of NOT catching anything on fire - with fondness.
Off to church we would go, where my mom, as the choir director, had enlisted us all to sing during the service. At the very end of the service, candles were passed out and lit, the lights were turned off, and "Joy to the World" was sung as we left the building. All four verses. To this day, I can't hear that song without remembering these nights. Sometimes wax would drip on our hands and burn; programs would accidentally set fire, or the little plastic cups meant to guard the flame from the outside wind would melt and stink like burning plastic.
Back at my mom and dad's, people would start to arrive for the party bringing more food. I'd have my friends there and we'd often go off on our own to my room while the grown-ups gathered around the living room as my mom played the piano and everyone sang carols. Usually, I went to bed before the last guest departed.
Christmas morning would always arrive with the scent of coffee, cinnamon buns or Monkey Bread in the air. We'd all gather, open our stockings and then gifts from Santa Clause.
In the earlier years, we would then go to my dad's parent's house about 1/2 hour away and open more gifts from Santa and then have a great big dinner there. Later, though, my grandparents would drive to us or spend the night at our house Christmas Eve. My mom's parents were only there for the first seven or eight years of my life and then would come sporadically, as they had houses in PA and FL. My mom's sister, my one and only aunt, would come as well. So would our family friends and we'd have a huge dinner, open more gifts and play games.
I loved Christmas and all the traditions it held for me.
After my husband and I were married, we moved away for a few years. Christmas then was a frantic day spent driving from my parent's house, to his mom's and then to his dad's before returning to my parent's. If we were lucky, we'd get to spend a couple days after Christmas up there so we could see everyone. But mostly the following day was spent on I-95 South.
One year in particular, the Hubbs hit a huge pothole and popped one tire and bent the rim on the back. We put the spare on the front one and decided to get them fixed when we got back home. This year, as fate would have it, it iced over and 95 was shut down in NC. It was declared a state of emergency and after countless hours literally just sitting on the highway, we wound up sleeping in a hotel parking lot (well, I did; the Hubbs slept in the hotel lobby) with the cats in our Dodge Neon. Worst. Sleep. Ever. I kept having to wake up every so often to turn the car on to warm it up. That sucked hardcore, let me tell ya. On my way to work the following morning, the other tire blew. Seriously. Can't make that shit up.
Anywho, when the Hubbs got out of the Marine Corps, we moved back home and did the same insane Christmas shuffle we did before. Everyone wanted to see us on that. day. As someone who was raised Christian but is one no longer, I stand by the truth that Christmas is one day that could be recreated any day of the year. It's been proven that the Christians selected December 25 to coincide with the winter solstice, a holiday for pagans. For me, Christmas was getting out of hand.
So we attempted to set a pattern, alternating holidays with families. This worked for exactly two years. We'd do Easter with A, Thanksgiving with B, Christmas with C. Then Easter with C, Thanksgiving with A, and Christmas with B. But then little A arrived and EVERYONE wanted to be with the first grandchild of both families for her first Easter, 4th of July, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Columbus Day, etc. Okay, maybe no Columbus Day, but you get it.
And I got it, too. Really, I wasn't trying to be a bitch by saying "no, we're not spending 3 hours in the car one way from one family to another on Christmas." I understood that A was everyone's first little grandbaby and that they all wanted to spoil her and love her as much as the Hubbs and I did. Unfortunately, no one got that the Hubbs and I really just wanted to spend the day as a family.
Part of me didn't want to give up the memories of all those special, wonderfully dysfunctional Christmases I had as a kid. And I'm sure that was the case for the Hubbs too. We wanted to share those times with our child. Unfortunately, it wasn't feasible and what really wound up happening was one of us being unhappy.
Planning the holidays had turned into a negotiation rivaling any you'd see among the UN. Sometimes it would result in full-out war. Other times we'd have to enlist the help of a counselor. It could get pretty ugly.
This happened enough times that by the time the holidays arrived with little E. Knievel, I was waving my white flag in advance.
Forget it, I said. We'll spend all effing day in the effing car so we can see everyone. It's just easier to do that, rather than fight and deal with all the political BS that came with deciding where we'd spend the holidays.
So now, I do almost all my shopping (for 40+ people) on Black Friday, which is a holiday I enjoy more than any other because it's the day I get to buy presents for everyone I love. I also love shopping without children in tow, getting great deals, and all the awesome people-watching that comes with it. But BF shopping is also essential so that we don't wind up in the poorhouse every January.
I even have fun wrapping the gifts as I imagine each person opening them and seeing what awesome thing I selected for them to show our love and appreciation for them being in our lives. Because, for me, that is what Christmas is about: Appreciation of those we love. I couldn't care less if I got an iPad mini or a diamond bracelet. While I love those things, it's the joy I get out of giving gifts to others that makes me the happiest.
The kids get an insane amount of gifts, and they absolutely love opening their presents and the magical excitement that comes from the notion of Santa Clause. They are the only reason I put up a Christmas tree, or get pictures taken, or even decorate the outside. As a mom, these things have become a chore for me.
Great, lets put up something that's going to drop fake needles everywhere, the cats will try to chew on, and hang it with things that the 15 month old will be determined to pull off and break and/or eat. Sounds heavenly. Let's also dress up in our finest so we can take fifty-thousand pictures of the kids squirming or crying or doing anything but look at the effing camera and we can spend a small fortune to select two pictures that are half-way decent. While we're at it, let's go out in the freezing cold and hang up things that will only do more to raise our electricity bill. Please, oh please? Can we?
I know what you're thinking - BAH HUMBUG, Hillary! Believe me, as I type I can't believe that these are my thoughts. I don't want to be like this. I'd love nothing more than to get super excited about it and hang the tree up the day after Thanksgiving. I just can't find that Holiday Spirit anymore and I'm pretty sure it's because it's been killed by greed and thoughtlessness and Obligations.
In an ideal world, we'd spend a whole day with each family and exchange gifts, hugs and appreciation. One of those days would be Christmas, but it wouldn't matter who we were with on that exact day because every one of those days would be Christmas for us.
No one would be squabbling about who got who what presents because it's not about that. Last year I was actually accused by a family member of not giving her children gifts, even though she bought my kids gifts. Well, first of all, I did buy her kids gifts and they got them but I guess in their haste to open, no one thought to read the effing tags. Second, if someone didn't give my kids a gift and I happened to give their kids one, I wouldn't say an effing word because who cares? I don't keep a score card and rate gifts from year to year. That's crass and the exact opposite of what Christmas is to me; not to mention the exact opposite of how I want my kids to behave. I was frankly stunned by this behavior.
As the holidays approach, I can't find it in myself to get excited. I actually cringe when I hear something about Christmas right now. It fills me with nothing but anxiety. I don't necessarily fault anyone for this. Well, that might not be entirely true, but I try to understand that every family works differently. My parents were lucky in that my dad was an only child and my mom only had one sibling who never had children. Their parents were friends and so it was not a big deal for literally EVERY family member to get together in the same house.
But yeah. My Holiday Spirit is dead. And I'm pretty sure that resignation of having 3 birthday parties for each kid and spending countless hours on the road for Christmas is what killed it.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Maryland Voting - Know Before You Go!
There is more to voting than the Presidential Elections. Here is a list of all the Question Numbers and what they are.
Questions 1 through 3 are proposed Maryland Constitutional amendments.
Question 1 - requires judges of the Orphan’s Court for Prince George’s County to have been admitted to practice law in Maryland and be in good standing with the Maryland Bar.
**In Maryland, the Orphan’s Court has jurisdiction over guardianship of minors, and handles estates of people who have died while owning property in their sole name.
Summary: The people in charge of orphaned minors without a guardian are judges and they become the legal guardians of said minors. They are in charge of their estates and finances until the minor turns 18. Voting "for the referred law", you are wanting to pass a law requiring all judges responsible for orphaned minors to be legally allowed to practice law in Maryland (meaning they would have had to pass the state Bar exam) and that they have had no reports of bad conduct.
Question 2 - Similar to Question 1, this lays out the same qualifications for Orphans’ Court judges, except the measure applies to Baltimore County, also.
Summary: See Summary for Question 1.
Question 3 - provides conditions under which an elected official convicted of a felony or certain misdemeanors will be removed from office.
**Under existing Maryland law, an elected official who is convicted or pleads no contest is suspended from office and is removed only when the conviction becomes final. If the new amendment is passed, an elected official is suspended from office when found guilty and will be removed from office when the conviction becomes final, or when the elected official pleads guilty or no contest.
Summary: Voting "for the referred law" will pass a law requiring all elected officials who have ever been convicted of a felony or some misdemeanors to be removed from their position.
Question 4 - The Maryland DREAM Act - Establishes that individuals, including undocumented immigrants, are eligible to pay in-state tuition rates at community colleges in Maryland, provided the student meets certain conditions relating to attendance and graduation from a Maryland high school, filing of income taxes, intent to apply for permanent residency, and registration with the selective service system (if required); makes such students eligible to pay in-state tuition rates at a four-year public college or university if the student has first completed 60 credit hours or graduated from a community college in Maryland; provides that students qualifying for in-state tuition rates by this method will not be counted as in-state students for purposes of counting undergraduate enrollment; and extends the time in which honorably discharged veterans may qualify for in-state tuition rates.
Summary: Voting "for the referred law" will give all Maryland High School graduates (whether they're undocumented immigrants, documented immigrants or American citizens) who file income taxes the ability to attend a Maryland 4-year at the in-state tuition rate so long as they complete their 2 year degree at a community college in state. This also extends the time that honorably discharged veterans can qualify for in-state rates.
Question 5 - Congressional Re-districting - Establishes the boundaries for the State’s eight United States Congressional Districts based on recent census figures, as required by the United States Constitution.
Summary: Voting "for the referred law" will change the boundaries for the eight US Congressional Districts based on the census figure.
Question 6 - Same-sex Marriage - Establishes that Maryland’s civil marriage laws allow gay and lesbian couples to obtain a civil marriage license, provided they are not otherwise prohibited from marrying; protects clergy from having to perform any particular marriage ceremony in violation of their religious beliefs; affirms that each religious faith has exclusive control over its own theological doctrine regarding who may marry within that faith; and provides that religious organizations and certain related entities are not required to provide goods, services, or benefits to an individual related to the celebration or promotion of marriage in violation of their religious beliefs.
Summary: Voting "for the referred law" will allow same-sex couples to be legally wed in the state of Maryland, however, it also states that those religions and religious leaders are not required to allow the couple to marry in their religion. (Basically, gay men and women can be married in the law, but religions aren't forced to recognize it)
Question 7 - Casino Expansion - Do you favor the expansion of commercial gaming in the State of Maryland for the primary purpose of raising revenue for education to authorize video lottery operation licensees to operate “table games” as defined by law; to increase from 15,000 to 16,500 the maximum number of video lottery terminals that may be operated in the State; and to increase from 5 to 6 the maximum number of video lottery operation licenses that may be awarded in the State and allow a video lottery facility to operate in Prince George’s County?
Summary: Voting "For the Additional Forms and Expansion of Commercial Gaming" means you support or encourage the increase of the amount of gambling facilities and the amount of things you can gamble on.
Questions 1 through 3 are proposed Maryland Constitutional amendments.
Question 1 - requires judges of the Orphan’s Court for Prince George’s County to have been admitted to practice law in Maryland and be in good standing with the Maryland Bar.
**In Maryland, the Orphan’s Court has jurisdiction over guardianship of minors, and handles estates of people who have died while owning property in their sole name.
Summary: The people in charge of orphaned minors without a guardian are judges and they become the legal guardians of said minors. They are in charge of their estates and finances until the minor turns 18. Voting "for the referred law", you are wanting to pass a law requiring all judges responsible for orphaned minors to be legally allowed to practice law in Maryland (meaning they would have had to pass the state Bar exam) and that they have had no reports of bad conduct.
Question 2 - Similar to Question 1, this lays out the same qualifications for Orphans’ Court judges, except the measure applies to Baltimore County, also.
Summary: See Summary for Question 1.
Question 3 - provides conditions under which an elected official convicted of a felony or certain misdemeanors will be removed from office.
**Under existing Maryland law, an elected official who is convicted or pleads no contest is suspended from office and is removed only when the conviction becomes final. If the new amendment is passed, an elected official is suspended from office when found guilty and will be removed from office when the conviction becomes final, or when the elected official pleads guilty or no contest.
Summary: Voting "for the referred law" will pass a law requiring all elected officials who have ever been convicted of a felony or some misdemeanors to be removed from their position.
Question 4 - The Maryland DREAM Act - Establishes that individuals, including undocumented immigrants, are eligible to pay in-state tuition rates at community colleges in Maryland, provided the student meets certain conditions relating to attendance and graduation from a Maryland high school, filing of income taxes, intent to apply for permanent residency, and registration with the selective service system (if required); makes such students eligible to pay in-state tuition rates at a four-year public college or university if the student has first completed 60 credit hours or graduated from a community college in Maryland; provides that students qualifying for in-state tuition rates by this method will not be counted as in-state students for purposes of counting undergraduate enrollment; and extends the time in which honorably discharged veterans may qualify for in-state tuition rates.
Summary: Voting "for the referred law" will give all Maryland High School graduates (whether they're undocumented immigrants, documented immigrants or American citizens) who file income taxes the ability to attend a Maryland 4-year at the in-state tuition rate so long as they complete their 2 year degree at a community college in state. This also extends the time that honorably discharged veterans can qualify for in-state rates.
Question 5 - Congressional Re-districting - Establishes the boundaries for the State’s eight United States Congressional Districts based on recent census figures, as required by the United States Constitution.
Summary: Voting "for the referred law" will change the boundaries for the eight US Congressional Districts based on the census figure.
Question 6 - Same-sex Marriage - Establishes that Maryland’s civil marriage laws allow gay and lesbian couples to obtain a civil marriage license, provided they are not otherwise prohibited from marrying; protects clergy from having to perform any particular marriage ceremony in violation of their religious beliefs; affirms that each religious faith has exclusive control over its own theological doctrine regarding who may marry within that faith; and provides that religious organizations and certain related entities are not required to provide goods, services, or benefits to an individual related to the celebration or promotion of marriage in violation of their religious beliefs.
Summary: Voting "for the referred law" will allow same-sex couples to be legally wed in the state of Maryland, however, it also states that those religions and religious leaders are not required to allow the couple to marry in their religion. (Basically, gay men and women can be married in the law, but religions aren't forced to recognize it)
Question 7 - Casino Expansion - Do you favor the expansion of commercial gaming in the State of Maryland for the primary purpose of raising revenue for education to authorize video lottery operation licensees to operate “table games” as defined by law; to increase from 15,000 to 16,500 the maximum number of video lottery terminals that may be operated in the State; and to increase from 5 to 6 the maximum number of video lottery operation licenses that may be awarded in the State and allow a video lottery facility to operate in Prince George’s County?
Summary: Voting "For the Additional Forms and Expansion of Commercial Gaming" means you support or encourage the increase of the amount of gambling facilities and the amount of things you can gamble on.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Meatless Meatloaf
(couldn't get a picture before the herd converged on the dish!)
3/4 cup Oats
1/4 cup flour
15.5 oz Black beans
1 egg
1 small onion, diced
1 cup shredded cheddar
1/4 cup ketchup
1/4 cup honey barbecue sauce
2 tsp Garlic powder
DIRECTIONS:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Spray glass bread pan with cooking spray
In a medium mixing bowl, combine onion, flour, oats, egg, ketchup, honey barbecue sauce, garlic powder and cheese and mix. Add black beans and mash together. (I used a potato masher for this)
Pour into bread pan and level out
Cook for 35-40 minutes.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Strawberry Shortcake Birthday Party
Favors
Homemade Chocolate Lollipop - used red and green chocolate melts and a strawberry flavor additive
Boy Favors
Girl Favors
I made snacks for each of the characters:
Since her birthday is in April, we decided to have it indoors at our YMCA
A good friend made the cake
Sheet Cake
My mom made her birthday dress.
Friday, September 28, 2012
What's scarier than a mass murdering shark on bath salts?
Picture enhanced to emphasize the monstrosity.
STINK BUG!
On the way home from A's school, EK was still fast asleep. After asking a good friend to run inside to grab A for me so I could stay with the sleeping EK in the car, and then making sure A did not wake her sister up while clambering into her seat, I was thinking, fantastic! I'll be able to transfer the baby from car-to-crib and gain a few more minutes of relative quiet. All we have to do is not wake her up.
All was going according to plan until we were stopped at a light, about to get onto the highway. Suddenly, a scream of sheer terror comes from the back seat. I glance in the rear view mirror and EK's eyes are wide open. I ask A what the hell she was screaming about; thinking surely Michael Myers or Freddy Krueger is back there.
A took a moment to compose herself and while I wait for an answer, I found myself wondering whether I'd rather it be Freddy or Michael. But then a worse possibility pops into my mind: What if it's a spider? Dear God, don't let it be a spider.
Finally, A manages to relay that there is a *gasp* STINK BUG crawling up the back of my seat.
Now for those of you not around the Pennsylvania/Maryland/West Virginia/Virginia areas, allow me to explain: STINK BUGS are these nasty little buggers. The specific type I'm referring to is actually called the Brown Marmorated Stink Bug (or BMSB). They were accidentally introduced to our country via shipments of produce from China and were first found in Pennsylvania in 1998.
Since then, the population has exploded because they have no natural predators. They've migrated all over the place and in large quantities. The first outbreak here was in 2010 and let me tell you - YUCK! They come out this time of year (fall) and they are everywhere.
As you might guess by their name, they emit a very nasty odor. (believe me, you do NOT want to suck one of these guys up in your vacuum cleaner) I know of a few dogs and a couple children that eat them, but no one else wants to touch them. My cats run in terror.
Two years ago, I discovered that there is one species in this area that will fight the mighty stink. Unfortunately for me, it's my arch-nemesis, a spider. The epic battle occurred on my back porch, and I managed to photograph the events from the safety of my kitchen, behind a glass door.
So yeah, the area is riddled with nasty, stinky bugs. Bugs that, apparently, my eldest daughter is petrified of.
The stink bug is slowly making his way up the back of my seat while A is in the midst of going into a state of anxiety-driven shock. She is screaming, crying, shaking in fear so I try to get the little fucker off the back of my seat with my wallet while attempting to merge onto the highway. Unfortunately, it flies (oh yeah, they fly, too) to my daughter's princess booster seat. This sends her into an absolute fit of hysterics. I flip on the hazards and pull into the shoulder.
The next two or three minutes consist of me attempting to remove the bug, while A has a near seizure and if screaming at the top of her lungs and EK (now wide-awake with no hope of returning to her nap) is staring at the goings-on as though she finds us a mixture of amusing and embarrassingly ridiculous. Which, I'm sure, we are.
The stinkbug was removed from the vehicle and all is well in the world again. I have no idea what has gotten A so completely terrified of stink bugs. I only react that way to spiders, and I have good reason.
Friday, September 7, 2012
If it can happen...
... it will happen to me.
This is a total first-world problem. I understand there are children in Africa and all that. But I'd like to think even they would see the irony in the crap that happened this morning. And these events are merely a summary of all the other random things that happen in my daily life.
This morning, after dropping my oldest off at school, I needed to go to the party store for more supplies for Evie Knievel's 3rd celebration of her first birthday. I had some extra time after the party store and was driving past the organic market and since we needed some more milk for EK; I thought, what the heck?
I must admit, I always feel like the biggest effing hypocrite in the whole free world when I pull into the parking lot in my giant Honda Pilot. The MPG gauge regularly tells me that that best kinda mileage I can get in that sucker is 18.5. I decided to leave my designer diaper bag in the car, lest I further the "I don't belong here" image.
So in we go, EK and I. I buy some strawberries, a tiny watermelon, grapes. Then I head over to the dairy where I find glass milk jugs.
Once in the not-too-distant-past, I opened the back of the gas-chugger to retrieve my groceries to have a gallon of milk fall out and smash onto the parking lot. I was able to salvage about 1/2 a gallon by quick thinking, not worrying what people would think about me leaving my kids in the car, and running into the house to grab a pitcher. My neighbor was having some kind of work done and the handyman happened to come out of the house and see the events unfold. He chose to inform me that because of all the craze about saving the earth, the milk jugs were being made with less plastic. This made it easier for them to break. I'm sure he was right about that, but the man presented it in such a way that implied the whole ecological aspect was BS and the milk companies were really making the jugs thinner so that poor, unsuspecting people such as myself would open the backs of their monster SUVs and mini-vans and the milk would fall and explode, thus making it necessary for them to buy more milk!
Who knows? He could be a little right about that, too.
Anyway, back in the organic market, I see the glass milk jugs and think to myself, 'Well, those aren't made of cheap, thin plastic so I'll betcha they wouldn't bust if dropped from the back of my SUV.' I'm not saying the logic behind that was solid or based on any kind of common sense. It was a flash of a thought that was there and gone so quickly that I didn't even register how faulty the logic was. I decide to buy one gallon of milk and one half gallon.
EK had her 12 month check up so I had to hustle to the register and get a move on. I planned on sticking all the perishables in a slightly broken styrofoam cooler that my husband purchased when he and I went river tubing with friends. He swore he would throw it away after using it. The damn thing has been squeaking and rattling in the back of my car for 3 weeks. I was putting off throwing it away myself because I know styrofoam is super-toxic to the environment and even though I knew it would be going to a landfill, I didn't want to be the one directly putting it there.
As the cashier - a young lady with not-so-clean hair and a cloud of patchouli floating around her - was scanning my purchases, she asks if I would like a bag for the milk. I tell her no, I have a cooler (I didn't DARE mention that it was styrofoam!) in the back of the car, which is where I will be placing everything.
"Oh, by the way," I say. "Can I bring these wonderful glass milk jugs back to be refilled?"
She informs me that I cannot, but that I can return them for a $2 refund. Sounds like a plan to me.
I put everything in the cart with EK and wheel it out. It was only one bag, so I picked up EK, put both milk jugs on top of the paper bag and carry the whole shebang out. EK on one hip and the bag of stuff on the other.
I manage to get to my car without incident. I set the bag down on the asphalt so I can buckle EK into her seat. Just as the bag hits the ground, it shifts and the gallon milk jug shatters on the parking lot and in the bag.
I'm thinking, holy fuckballs. Now everything is covered in milk. I strap EK into the car, give her a handful of pretzels, and go check out the damage.
Fabulous. Not only are there large shards of glass both in and out of the bag, but there is also milk everywhere. And this isn't skim milk, mind you; its WHOLE milk so its all nice and fatty and creamalicious. I open the trunk of the Chugger and find that the styrofoam cooler is a little worse for the wear: a big hole in the lid and the side is all busted up. But it'll do.
I begin transferring the fatty, milk-covered produce from the soggy paper bag to the broke-ass, environmentally irresponsible cooler, trying my best to clean the creamy substance from the groceries with a wet wipe. When I near the very bottom of the bag I remember: Before I made my trek across the parking lot, I stuck my wallet into the grocery bag.
My wallet was one of those plastic-covered, long, clutch-looking deals that closed tightly. I thought, because it was plastic, that it was water-proof. As I gazed into the bag and saw my cute, multi-colored plaid wallet submerged under a half inch of Vitamin D fortified cow's milk, I noted the bubbles surfacing as my wallet filled with milk and the air escaped.
I reached into the mess and rescued my wallet. Milk poured from it and I unclasped it to drain it completely.
All the contents were now covered with a nice, thick, white film.
I learned two things today. One: I shouldn't even try to pretend that I am the type of person who buys local, organic whole milk. And two: My wallet was not water - or, rather, milk- proof.
This is a total first-world problem. I understand there are children in Africa and all that. But I'd like to think even they would see the irony in the crap that happened this morning. And these events are merely a summary of all the other random things that happen in my daily life.
This morning, after dropping my oldest off at school, I needed to go to the party store for more supplies for Evie Knievel's 3rd celebration of her first birthday. I had some extra time after the party store and was driving past the organic market and since we needed some more milk for EK; I thought, what the heck?
I must admit, I always feel like the biggest effing hypocrite in the whole free world when I pull into the parking lot in my giant Honda Pilot. The MPG gauge regularly tells me that that best kinda mileage I can get in that sucker is 18.5. I decided to leave my designer diaper bag in the car, lest I further the "I don't belong here" image.
So in we go, EK and I. I buy some strawberries, a tiny watermelon, grapes. Then I head over to the dairy where I find glass milk jugs.
Once in the not-too-distant-past, I opened the back of the gas-chugger to retrieve my groceries to have a gallon of milk fall out and smash onto the parking lot. I was able to salvage about 1/2 a gallon by quick thinking, not worrying what people would think about me leaving my kids in the car, and running into the house to grab a pitcher. My neighbor was having some kind of work done and the handyman happened to come out of the house and see the events unfold. He chose to inform me that because of all the craze about saving the earth, the milk jugs were being made with less plastic. This made it easier for them to break. I'm sure he was right about that, but the man presented it in such a way that implied the whole ecological aspect was BS and the milk companies were really making the jugs thinner so that poor, unsuspecting people such as myself would open the backs of their monster SUVs and mini-vans and the milk would fall and explode, thus making it necessary for them to buy more milk!
Who knows? He could be a little right about that, too.
Anyway, back in the organic market, I see the glass milk jugs and think to myself, 'Well, those aren't made of cheap, thin plastic so I'll betcha they wouldn't bust if dropped from the back of my SUV.' I'm not saying the logic behind that was solid or based on any kind of common sense. It was a flash of a thought that was there and gone so quickly that I didn't even register how faulty the logic was. I decide to buy one gallon of milk and one half gallon.
EK had her 12 month check up so I had to hustle to the register and get a move on. I planned on sticking all the perishables in a slightly broken styrofoam cooler that my husband purchased when he and I went river tubing with friends. He swore he would throw it away after using it. The damn thing has been squeaking and rattling in the back of my car for 3 weeks. I was putting off throwing it away myself because I know styrofoam is super-toxic to the environment and even though I knew it would be going to a landfill, I didn't want to be the one directly putting it there.
As the cashier - a young lady with not-so-clean hair and a cloud of patchouli floating around her - was scanning my purchases, she asks if I would like a bag for the milk. I tell her no, I have a cooler (I didn't DARE mention that it was styrofoam!) in the back of the car, which is where I will be placing everything.
"Oh, by the way," I say. "Can I bring these wonderful glass milk jugs back to be refilled?"
She informs me that I cannot, but that I can return them for a $2 refund. Sounds like a plan to me.
I put everything in the cart with EK and wheel it out. It was only one bag, so I picked up EK, put both milk jugs on top of the paper bag and carry the whole shebang out. EK on one hip and the bag of stuff on the other.
I manage to get to my car without incident. I set the bag down on the asphalt so I can buckle EK into her seat. Just as the bag hits the ground, it shifts and the gallon milk jug shatters on the parking lot and in the bag.
I'm thinking, holy fuckballs. Now everything is covered in milk. I strap EK into the car, give her a handful of pretzels, and go check out the damage.
Fabulous. Not only are there large shards of glass both in and out of the bag, but there is also milk everywhere. And this isn't skim milk, mind you; its WHOLE milk so its all nice and fatty and creamalicious. I open the trunk of the Chugger and find that the styrofoam cooler is a little worse for the wear: a big hole in the lid and the side is all busted up. But it'll do.
I begin transferring the fatty, milk-covered produce from the soggy paper bag to the broke-ass, environmentally irresponsible cooler, trying my best to clean the creamy substance from the groceries with a wet wipe. When I near the very bottom of the bag I remember: Before I made my trek across the parking lot, I stuck my wallet into the grocery bag.
My wallet was one of those plastic-covered, long, clutch-looking deals that closed tightly. I thought, because it was plastic, that it was water-proof. As I gazed into the bag and saw my cute, multi-colored plaid wallet submerged under a half inch of Vitamin D fortified cow's milk, I noted the bubbles surfacing as my wallet filled with milk and the air escaped.
I reached into the mess and rescued my wallet. Milk poured from it and I unclasped it to drain it completely.
All the contents were now covered with a nice, thick, white film.
I learned two things today. One: I shouldn't even try to pretend that I am the type of person who buys local, organic whole milk. And two: My wallet was not water - or, rather, milk- proof.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Hair Clip Tutorials
For A's birthday party, she wanted a Strawberry Shortcake theme. I decided to make hair bows for the girls to put in their goody bags.
I found Strawberry Shortcake ribbon and Strawberry Shortcake bottle caps on www.etsy.com. And a tutorial on how to do them. I used more hot glue than anything else but I think they turned out pretty cute!
I found Strawberry Shortcake ribbon and Strawberry Shortcake bottle caps on www.etsy.com. And a tutorial on how to do them. I used more hot glue than anything else but I think they turned out pretty cute!
Supplies needed:
Small alligator hair clip (as seen above)
Thin 1/4" wide ribbon
Hot glue gun
Steps:
1. Measure 6 3/4" of thin ribbon and cut
2. Stick the ribbon in the clip.
3. Put a line of glue from the tip to tip on the top of the clip.
4. Fold the ribbon over the top of the clip. Hold for a moment.
5. Put a dot of glue on the other side of the squeezy part of the clip and wrap the ribbon around the top of the clip and firmly press it to the glue.
6. Open the clip and put another line of glue along the bottom side of the clip.
7. Wrap the ribbon around the lower prong of the clip and around to the back.
8. Press closed and hold for a moment.
That part is done!
Now, there are a few other embellishments you can add other than a bow.
This one is very simple. I bought strawberry buttons and used rhinestone stickers for it.
Just hot glue them on. (Note: the hotter the glue, the better the stick)
This is the typical bow clip.
Materials Needed:
Covered alligator clip
Ribbon 1" wide or wider.
Hot Glue gun
1/4" ribbon
needle
thread (color doesn't matter - you won't be able to see it)
Steps:
1. Cut thicker ribbon to 6"
2. Loop around and have ends overlap one another.
3. Fold flat and place two stitches in the very center of the ribbon.
4. Accordion fold the center. For the 1" wide ribbon, I only did 3 folds. You can do more for wider ribbon.
5. Wrap thin ribbon around the center and tie in the back. Cut excess. (For an extra hold, I add a dot of glue as well.)
6. Glue the bow to the top of the covered clip.
7. You can either be done with what you have or add a little embellishment in the center of the bow.
The last one I know how to do is this one:
Supplies needed:
covered alligator clip
Hot glue gun
thin ribbon - 1/4" - as many colors as you'd like.
Steps:
1. cut ribbon about 5" or 6"
(Do this 4 times)
2. Attach ends to one another and put dot of hot glue to secure it into a circle. Then glue the middle.
3. Glue center of the ribbon onto the middle of the clip.
4. Do this with each ribbon. First making a + sign and then giving it a* look.
5. Add a embellishment in the center if you'd like.
And you're done!
Hope this was helpful. I definitely thought bow making was much harder than it is. Of course, the more complicated ones are I'm sure.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Sweet n Sour Chik Nuggets
This is a quick and easy recipe that even the 4 yr old loved.
Ingredients
3/4 C sugar
1/2 C Vinegar
3 TBSP Ketchup
1 tsp Garlic Powder
1 TBSP Soy Sauce
1 box Morningstar Farms Chik Nuggets
1 can green beans
1 pkg frozen carrots, broccoli, cauliflower mix
Instructions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Combine sugar, vinegar, ketchup, garlic powder, soy sugar in bowl and mix with whisk.
Place nuggets, beans and frozen veggies in a small casserole dish.
Pour mixture over top.
Place in oven and cook for 30 minutes.
*Serve over jasmine rice.
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