Friday, September 28, 2012

What's scarier than a mass murdering shark on bath salts?

Picture enhanced to emphasize the monstrosity.

STINK BUG!

On the way home from A's school, EK was still fast asleep. After asking a good friend to run inside to grab A for me so I could stay with the sleeping EK in the car, and then making sure A did not wake her sister up while clambering into her seat, I was thinking, fantastic! I'll be able to transfer the baby from car-to-crib and gain a few more minutes of relative quiet. All we have to do is not wake her up.
All was going according to plan until we were stopped at a light, about to get onto the highway. Suddenly, a scream of sheer terror comes from the back seat. I glance in the rear view mirror and EK's eyes are wide open. I ask A what the hell she was screaming about; thinking surely Michael Myers or Freddy Krueger is back there.
A took a moment to compose herself and while I wait for an answer, I found myself wondering whether I'd rather it be Freddy or Michael. But then a worse possibility pops into my mind: What if it's a spider? Dear God, don't let it be a spider.
Finally, A manages to relay that there is a *gasp* STINK BUG crawling up the back of my seat.
Now for those of you not around the Pennsylvania/Maryland/West Virginia/Virginia areas, allow me  to explain: STINK BUGS are these nasty little buggers. The specific type I'm referring to is actually called the Brown Marmorated Stink Bug (or BMSB). They were accidentally introduced to our country via shipments of produce from China and were first found in Pennsylvania in 1998.
Since then, the population has exploded because they have no natural predators. They've migrated all over the place and in large quantities. The first outbreak here was in 2010 and let me tell you - YUCK! They come out this time of year (fall) and they are everywhere.
As you might guess by their name, they emit a very nasty odor. (believe me, you do NOT want to suck one of these guys up in your vacuum cleaner) I know of a few dogs and a couple children that eat them, but no one else wants to touch them. My cats run in terror.
Two years ago, I discovered that there is one species in this area that will fight the mighty stink. Unfortunately for me, it's my arch-nemesis, a spider. The epic battle occurred on my back porch, and I managed to photograph the events from the safety of my kitchen, behind a glass door.

So yeah, the area is riddled with nasty, stinky bugs. Bugs that, apparently, my eldest daughter is petrified of.
The stink bug is slowly making his way up the back of my seat while A is in the midst of going into a state of anxiety-driven shock. She is screaming, crying, shaking in fear so I try to get the little fucker off the back of my seat with my wallet while attempting to merge onto the highway. Unfortunately, it flies (oh yeah, they fly, too) to my daughter's princess booster seat. This sends her into an absolute fit of hysterics. I flip on the hazards and pull into the shoulder.
The next two or three minutes consist of me attempting to remove the bug, while A has a near seizure and if screaming at the top of her lungs and EK (now wide-awake with no hope of returning to her nap) is staring at the goings-on as though she finds us a mixture of amusing and embarrassingly ridiculous. Which, I'm sure, we are.
The stinkbug was removed from the vehicle and all is well in the world again. I have no idea what has gotten A so completely terrified of stink bugs. I only react that way to spiders, and I have good reason.

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