Last night, I had a dream I saw you. It's been over six months since your text. You know the one. Though I think about you sometimes, I'm not sure why last night my mind needed you to manifest. Maybe it's because I was on vacation, remembering the times we went away together. For whatever reason, I had a dream about you.
I ran into you, and at first it was awkward, as I imagine it would be in real life if we were to see each other. But then something unexpected happened. You apologized. And, oh my god. How I needed to hear that apology. You told me you'd made a mistake. That you've missed my presence in your life. Because we were good friends, despite our few differences.
Or maybe those differences weren't so few. You certainly didn't seem to think so. Instead of talking to me - giving me the respect I feel I'd earned as your friend - you ceased communication, and then cited the one major difference between us as your reason for ending the 2+ year friendship.
You were there for me during the worst part of my life, offering support and advice and not judgment. For that I'll always be grateful. I think I helped you a lot as well, during a difficult time in your life. I hope I helped you. I know you helped me.
So in my dream, when you apologized, I felt so much joy. Despite what I say to myself and others, that I don't care about you - that you're treatment showed me you weren't as great of a friend as I thought you were - I know I'm lying. I don't know, if you were to apologize in real life and want to start our friendship anew, what I'd say. In my dream, I accepted, and I was glad I had.
Maybe I dreamed this because I've been dying for an apology. An explanation beyond the cold, callous one you gave me. I thought, at the very least, our friendship had warranted that. More than all the other shit I went through last year, this one hurts - if not the most, then almost as badly. Because you knew everything else. You knew and you still treated me like I didn't matter to you. You didn't give me the benefit of the doubt, and because of that, I know you didn't value our friendship the way I did.
Maybe this is a pathetic way to get this out there. I'll take that risk. Because I really cared for you, for your husband and your kids. And I thought what we had was worth talking about, one last time.
